I was the master of everything. I had the power to learn, which essentially meant that I could become good at everything I had the opportunity to do. With an unyielding spirit, I would never lose a battle I cared about. Basically, I was a true genius, and I would show the world why I deserved its respect.
…Is perhaps what a small part of me felt. But I was also my greatest critic. I judged myself as harshly as possible, and I doubted every positive statement I made about myself that could not be proven to be absolutely true. And few things could be proven to be absolutely true.
I guess neither of the above paragraphs describes my own opinion of myself very well. Or perhaps they both describe my opinion well at times. I suppose I enjoyed being a vague personality that could not be easily described.
I did have a high opinion of myself, and I did challenge it all the time. I saw too many people who were certain of their own value and their own abilities only to have one event or one person make them suddenly realize that they were never as good as they believed. I was determined not to be one of those people. And so my ego came with a persistent warning that it might all be false. I might be over exaggerating my strengths. I might not be that amazing at all.
I had no problem living with both views. Even if I was say the one most capable person out of all the 7 billion people in the world, I don’t think it would matter that I doubted myself. Even if what I believed I was uniquely capable of was actually something that millions of other people could potentially do, well hey, at least I already suspected it might be the case.
So, this is the blog of someone who really probably is very talented. Someone who seems to be exceptional, but still, might not be that outstanding. Someone who might gain the world’s respect, or someone who might just fade away in the background… Expect to see a lot of questionable remarks on human nature and philosophy from a person who’s never taken a philosophy course, some unusual game design ideas, an occasional math related concept, some gaming stuff, and maybe even a magical story, all written from an uncommon perspective, a unique personality… Look forward to it.
I don't think you are the most capable person out of all the 7 billion.
ReplyDeleteAll of us are together inconsequential. Anyway, everyone in the world thinks they are better than everyone else, so everyone in the 7 billion are potentially the most capable.
Whatever you can do, at least 6 billion other people can do it too. Unless it's something you have to be born with or something that deals with genetics.
No one really fades away in the background unless they stop doing the activities they are good at, or unless they die. So if all you do is play games all day, or watch t.v., or something extremely common that there's no skill required or the skill is very easy to learn, then you'll eventually fade away in the background.
If you want to gain the world's respect, you should have higher expectations. If you think you are good at DDR, or programming, or setting a world record for ONE map on ONE game, then you are only comparing yourself locally to other people.
You may think you're better at things than other people you know in real life, but you might not know them so well. Do they know that you are good at programming / ddr? Probably not, too. But also, just because you can make a few games and play games with your feet doesn't mean no one else in the world can. They just don't feel like making a video about it.
I'm guessing you've been part of the TI calculator community? There are a few exceptional people there. A kid named Kevin, for example, made his own programming language called Axe for the TI-83 and 84, search Axe Parser on youtube if you want a video on it. Not too different from TI-Basic, since they use the same functions, but still a completely separate programming language.
So my advice for you is to have higher expectations. You're only good at a few things to be honest, and only decent at that, not even exceptional, there are so many other people that can very easily do the same that I think your view on the world and other people is clouded.
@ penspinhero Thanks for the comment. I don't think I'm the most capable person out of everyone in the world either (I didn't mean to make it sound like I thought I was).
ReplyDeleteI kind of agree that what one person can do, most others can also do, but I still think that there are talents and abilities that some people may have and others might not, and while effort might make up for it, what can you do if someone more talented than you tries as hard as you? Personally, I always wanted to show that effort could overcome talent, but I think I'm chasing after an ironic goal...
Maybe just more of never really reaching my full potential...
At a worldwide level, or tournament level, or probably even country/state level, I'm not really good at DDR, and I understand that. I'm a... clever programmer? But not good fundamentally or good at making easily readable code, stuff like that. I feel like I used to be good at DK Summit though. ;-)
I question how much better I am at various things than the people I know. I certainly believe that there are people that are better than me in everything I do. I'd like to have that belief verified though.
Actually, I don't know much about the TI community.
I guess I really do expect something incredible of me, only I expect so much that I just can't accomplish, or rather, I believe I can do it but I also believe I never will. And, I kind of disagree with the last couple sentences. But, I give any justification for it here.
Anyway, the blog title is meant to be ironic, and the first half of this post along with the title are meant to be... misleading, I guess (I don't think I'm the master of everything, more like I'm hardly the master of anything). A lot of what's in this comment will eventually come out on this blog in some form.
Thanks again for the comment and I hope you'll end up reading this.
"And, I kind of disagree with the last couple sentences. But, I give any justification for it here." - Meant to say "I won't give any justification for it here."
ReplyDeleteWith a smile and a dark laugh, and a deep foreboding voice, I must add, "The hawk with talent hides his talons. Maybe I can do more than you expect."
And, again with a smile, and this time a humble nod and a slight shrug, I put emphasis on the maybe.