My life had such a heavy emphasis on politeness and respect, to an extent that if you didn't share the same view, I would guess that you would have trouble appreciating just how much it was a part of me. However, I wouldn't make an assumption about how broadly you view the world, or how many different ways of life you can understand. Surely, just because one doesn't feel as compelled to follow various rules on politeness and respect does not guarantee that that person cannot comprehend why others would.
The fact still stands though. It was a big part of my life. And in my opinion, the majority of the people I met didn't really live with the same views. Was I like, born into the wrong culture, or something? I have to wonder sometimes. Maybe. But that's kind of another topic.
It just made it harder to connect to other people, if you couldn't help thinking stuff like, "Well, the way you said that just bugs me a little." For example, imagine if you said, "There's really no point in being so polite." Sounds pretty reasonable and I agree, there are worse ways to say it (ex: "Well that's stupid! Why would you want to live like that?!"). But still, you're basically saying that my way of living is wrong. I'm aware of (some of) its flaws, but perhaps you're unaware of its strengths. I mean it's not like I don't have my reasons for believing what I believe. And then maybe you're like, "I'm just saying you could be happier if you didn't live your life so politely." To which I would have to say something like, well I appreciate the fact that you're concerned about my happiness [level of sarcasm inversely proportional to the perceived level of concern], but let me say that the things that make one person happy won't necessarily make another person happy. You're assuming that you know what makes me happy better than I do. Now why do you believe that? And then maybe you're like, "Okay, let me guess, you're not going to be completely comfortable with my statement unless I say something like, 'Maybe you could be happier if you tried living with less focus on being polite, I mean, if that's something you haven't already thought about.'" And, well, to be perfectly honest, you're kind of right about that. I mean I'm open to suggestions, but I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, and I'd rather not be told how to live my life either.
It was tied in to that topic on giving advice too. So if you saw my Pipelining game, and you're like, "Hey! You should make a puzzle mode, make the matches faster in vs mode, and put it online," well the words themselves don't convey the feeling completely, because you could be saying it in a "This is what is missing from the game and what is wrong with this game" tone or you could be saying it in an "I think it might make the game better" tone. If it's the former, well, I made the game specifically for my own purposes, and the only time I wouldn't have a problem with you saying that like that is if I was designing the game specifically for you, but I'm not, so... If it's the latter, to give the same feeling on the internet, you might have to say something like, "Maybe you should try..." And then I'd say, well, I actually already made a puzzle mode and it turns out it's a really nice addition. Faster matches to make harassment a viable strategy? That might be the best way to do that without changing the scoring, and that is what I was already considering. And if I knew some reasonably easy way of putting it online, and I cared enough to do it, well, I probably would. But... yeah.
Then there's the "What did you do yesterday? [Expecting an answer]" Why do you want to know? I was doing stuff that I don't want to tell you about. That I can't tell you about. Saving the world on a secret mission, or something.
vs. "Did you do anything interesting yesterday?" Eh, not really. Nothing out of the ordinary, you know.
Or, say you ask someone to do you a favor, like they're going to the store and you give them money and ask them to buy you a candy bar. And then they get back and you're like, "So... you bought that candy bar, right?" or, to be very polite even in my view of politeness, "Did you happen to remember to buy that candy bar?" with the follow up to a no answer after the first implied to be something like, "How could you forget?" and for the second, "Well that's all right, don't worry about it."
And then you're like, "Come on man, that stuff isn't rude, you just-" have extreme views on politeness I know. That's the point. But you know, I'm not trying to say, "Oh no, you shouldn't say things that I think are rude." In fact, I specifically don't want to say that. I'm going to follow what I believe, and I can only expect that you would do the same. But that doesn't change the fact that it's hard to actually connect to people if most of the things they say kind of feel rude to you.
The people I met were all across the board. Sometimes, I had to wonder if people were completely blind to the fact that there was a rather large difference between us with how we talked and how we felt about things. Sometimes I figured, "Ehh, they probably know but don't care enough to change," and I can understand that. Sometimes I could tell that people changed, like they would probably say, "That's so stupid!" to most other people but they'd say "There's really no point..." to me. Or there were even people that could go so far that I was never really bothered by anything they said. When I saw people change to better connect with me then I always wanted to do the same, so those would be times where I'd do my best to try and think of something to say, think of something to say, something to say, say, say... I think that's part of the secret to what those who are good at connecting with others are good at. They get a feeling of how others feel and act, and can mimic it. I've met some people who do it so well that it's kind of scary, like, can they read my mind or something? And then I've also met a few people who seem to share the same feelings and views as I do, to some extent.
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